When I'm alone, my time can be spent in two ways: wasting time and productive thought, work, etc. I usually waste my alone time. I'm bad at enjoying myself when I'm alone. I can walk by myself and i'll enjoy this, but I still feel myself driven by the urge to go somewhere. I don't usually enjoy "walking around", because I'm conscious of my lack of direction. When I'm going somewhere I can focus on that and my mind will actually think more clearly than when I am idle. I guess this is because I like getting sidetracked. I can work well at one thing and think about another when I get sidetracked. When I'm not engaged in some activity I get sidetracked by even less engaging things. For example: when I do homework that I don't want to do, and am not engaged in it, I end up doing essentially nothing. But when I am reading a good book or writing something I want to write, my mind goes off in all directions. Like it is right now... back to alone thing.
My greatest enjoyment in life is spent with other people, my friends. I am not very comfortable being alone because I don't trust myself to spend my time wisely. When I'm with my friends I am always doing something I deem valuable because I'm enjoying myself. I want to be able to spend time more efficiently and with a greater importance, when I'm alone with my thoughts. I like being alone when I am able to do this, but that doesn't happen as frequently as I would like it to.
I think my current dissatisfaction with my alone-life is due to being alone in the wrong way and in the wrong mood. When I'm angry I want to be alone because I can let my emotions be drowned out by the meaningless things I fill my day with, like television or Cheetos (poor choice of comfort food by seven-year old Peter). But I am never in a very happy mood when I'm alone, truly alone. I think this is because I don't know what to do with myself. I feel a sense of obligation to do homework or SOMETHING. My thoughts need to be enough to satisfy me when I'm alone. I'm getting better, more productive, more thoughtful, but I still waste time and oscillate between a number of time wasting methods when I'm alone. I'll work on it Universe. I'll figure you out. Just give me a little bit of alone time and some more experience.
What you consider wasting time may be more important than you realize. Time spent alone in ways that require less concentration, such as playing madden, may be beneficial to your overall being. So don't knock it.
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